I couldn’t wait to get to university; I felt I was on the edge of my biggest adventure. But when I look back now my most vivid memory is coming home for Christmas, asking not to go back and being refused.
I can’t remember how the conversation started but I remember in the end; lying on my bed, crying so much I thought I would never stop.
Being forced back to university was one of the most painful experiences I have been through but it taught me to question what I wanted to do. If this was what I wanted, why did it feel so wrong? Looking back I know I wasn’t going through a rough patch, and I can’t fault the university, the course, the staff or my friends, they were all amazing. I used to agonise over explaining why I didn’t like university, and why I was so desperate to leave but now I try not to over-think it, I know deep down it was not right for me and that is enough.
When I finally did leave I didn’t know what to do, so I tried lots of different things, and gradually got an idea of what I do and don’t like. And now I know to put my energies in to the things I know I like and I am good at. In choosing to leave I didn’t quit, I started; started on the path to something better and I am proud to say that. And even though I knew my mum would be upset (and let’s face it – that keeps lots of us from making certain choices!), her disappointment is not as great as my sense of achievement at being able to find my own way in life.